I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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