She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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