My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
