I hope mine doesn't look like that
I understand Curling. That high.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
