Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
