Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
