I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
