Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
