Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
