my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
