I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
