just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
