I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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