She is in my trunk
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
