Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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