I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
