So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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