this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
