Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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