About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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