where am i from again
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
