I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
