Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
