the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
