he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
this is an emotional support booty call
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
