I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
