idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
