Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
it's like heaven, but drunker
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
