Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
