His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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