i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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