? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
