I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
