WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
