Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
