Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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