Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
