Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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