When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
