I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the condom got lost in my hair
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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