You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish you could order shots online.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
