Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
