You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
