I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
