Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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