Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
