so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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