just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
