Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
