I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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