Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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